Photo: Brianbrarian

It might be a reflection of my age and my associations, but I bet if I updated my Facebook status to say:

"Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler..."

The comments, without any other context, would fill in something like the following...

"I was told I could listen to the radio at a reasonable volume."

"We need to talk about your TPS reports."

and

"Yeah. We're gonna need you to, aahh, go ahead and come in on Saturday."

These are quotes from a 10 year-old movie — now a cult classic — called Office Space. It pokes fun at modern office life so expertly, a few dated references don't keep it from resonating with people who've entered the workforce in the decade since its original release.

I'm not going to test my Facebook status theory, because my working friends are probably too busy. On a weekend during holiday season, they're probably getting ready to "aahh, go ahead and come in on Saturday."

It's company holiday party time.

Probably the best shin-dig of this sort that I ever attended was not long after this movie came out. In addition to a lovely buffet, two drink tickets and the promise of door prizes, there would be a video documentary of our work life. A short film starring our very own co-workers... It would be a snapshot of our lives on an average day.

See, where I worked had an in-house video production department, which was charged with enhancing our holiday party experience. This is the kind of project born in a "Fun Committee" meeting, and then passed off to someone who has the skills to do it. I'm guessing the producers drew straws to determine who would squeeze this in between assignments of real work. The absolute — and I'm being totally sincere here — genius who pulled the short one felt he had room to negotiate.

He agreed to the project under two conditions:

1. He would have full creative control to produce it with the theme of this new movie called Office Space.
2. No one outside of the Production Department — including the General Manager — would be allowed to see or critique it before the big day.

This man missed his calling as a hostage negotiator, because even in bargaining with the GM — an executive salesperson in an image-is-everything world — he had himself a deal.

The rest of us could not wait.

I bet the night of the party had everyone's attendance. At least, I'm pretty sure there weren't any no-shows due to mysterious illness, emergency root canals or unwashed hair. Some hit the dance floor to Michael Bolton music without recognizing the irony. The 20-something crowd nursed their two free cocktails and waited for the video to be unveiled.

When the General Manager stood to announce it, hushed anticipation fell on the ballroom. She looked so regal and perfect standing at the podium in her sequin gown. All eyes were on her as she cleared her throat to address the eager crowd.

"Last night was movie night at our house," she said. "We popped popcorn and settled in to watch this movie Office Space that everyone's been talking about. We weren't even fifteen minutes in before my husband said exactly what I was thinking. He turned to me and said 'you are so screwed.'"

The video was the laugh-riot everyone expected, making fun, but using restraint. I have no idea what that producer it is doing these days, but probably all my former co-workers would say the same thing. In the words of one of "The Bobs" speaking about Peter Gibbons, the main character of the movie: "We had a chance to meet this young man, and boy that's just a straight-shooter with upper management written all over him."

Have fun if you're off to an office holiday party this evening. And puh-lease ... Don't forget your flair.