I had a really good time hanging out with Canadian family last week, despite having to defend my position. I am indeed a certified member of the Royal Order of Screechers, thank you very much... even though I didn't kiss a fresh cod.

I kissed the side of a toy puffin, which is well within regulation, back when I visited Newfoundland and got officially "Screeched In." I even claim bonus points for having the good sense to wear a hat with ear flaps while I did it — Come on, I'm sure even the fashion editors at Vogue would agree that furry headgear before Labor Day is prudent in certain situations.

Photo: mrjorgen

Photo: screechrum

Photo: harcourt

If you ever find yourself in Newfoundland, you may face a similar dilemma. Because most visitors to the island participate in this tradition. Screech is rum that the locals have drunk for centuries. Newcomers take a shot, kiss something they ordinarily would not, and repeat some lingo in order to fit in.

So the story goes, the rum was unnamed until WWII when American servicemen came. The Commanding Officer of the first detachment raised a glass with the Newfs. He downed the shot and let out such a noise, it attracted lots of attention.

"What the cripes was that ungodly screech?" the others wanted to know. I wonder if that man knows he is a legend? It's one thing to inspire a name, quite another to initiate an all-out right of passage.

THE MODERN CEREMONY The inductee stands before a group of witnesses, preferably wearing a funny hat. The host, who must be a natural-born Newfoundlander, holds up the item to be kissed. Next, the inductee holds a full shot of Screech in the air and repeats the phrase, "Long may yer big jib draw!" Study this, because only a trained ear will understand the host. And to say it wrong means having to take another shot. Only after the witnesses approve that everything was done correctly will the inductee be presented with the certificate.  He or she has been officially "Screeched In."

Now, here's the insider scoop you'll thank me for if you go: A ceremony conducted in a bay town — aka out in the sticks — will likely leave you puckering up to a dead cod. If you're not that adventurous, get Screeched in the city. It's just as official to smooch a stuffed puffin, even if it means some try to call you soft.

Hey, it's all in good fun, so you can kiss a cod if you really want to. But don't let anybody tell you there's no choice. When it comes to this particular rite of passage, you most certainly have the freedom of Screech.