Wanted: Marketing Speak Rosetta Stone

  
 
Photo: Planetdan  
Alongside my autographed photo of Mrs. Nevada, this image was posted discreetly in my workspace where I last worked. It was a private reminder to keep my jazz hands on especially when headed into a meeting.

Jazz Hands — A gesture that projects exuberance often associated with the performing arts.

The performer's hands are opened and the fingers splayed. The hands may then be shaken slightly, as if holding a tambourine. However, this additional movement, called "spirit fingers", is not a necessary part of the jazz hands action.
"Jazz Hands!" had become the secret code my peer and I used to describe when someone was engaging in glittery non-speak. She'd flash them to me like gang signs over corporate conference calls, where 82% of sentences spoken contained nonsense buzzwords and intentionally gray gobbledygook.

I find myself sitting here realizing that last year's "out-of-the-box synergies" are this year's "vertical solutions." In this competitive job market, jazz hands just aren't enough — I need to be fluent in the next-generation jargon.

Next-Generation. That's a buzzword I picked up in a job posting for a Marketing Analyst. Now, I know I already mentioned that I'm multi-lingual. And I can regurgitate next-gen jargon in my sleep. Still, it would be ever so helpful in my job search if I had something to explain them. Does anyone have a Marketing Speak Rosetta Stone?


Here are a few things culled from recent job postings I've responded to. I hope none of them see this post, because I've already claimed to be a top-notch Cutting-Edge Deliverable Implementer. But between you and me, I'm thinking, "Jazz Hands!!" What are the odds the hiring managers can't exactly define these things either?

  • Implement cutting-edge deliverables
  • leverage cross-platform channels
  • facilitate next-generation convergence
  • engage viral initiatives
  • target cross-media metrics
  • utilize integrated architectures
  • enhance interactive relationships
  • monetize value-added content

Posted by TheWordWire at 8/5/2009 9:34 AM
Categories: Lost in Translation
Tags: Jazz Hands Job Hunt Marketing Speak buzz words
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