Photo Credit: Colm.McMullan on Flickr

Just about everybody in Las Vegas has a celebrity sighting story. Borrr-ing. I start mentally filing my nails whenever I hear the beginnings of a tale that involves night-clubbing in the same spot as Britney or sharing an elevator with Simon Cowell. These stories never end with a lesson or uplifting thought. There is no moral, and rarely a genuine punch line — Just one consistent takeaway: The storyteller is cool, and you should think so too.

I don't think I've once been all agog over someone's description of a celebrity spotting ... unless, of course, it's my own. I have the most interesting run-ins. You should think so too.


If I were in Vegas this weekend, I might collect one such story to tell, because tomorrow marks the twelfth annual Tiger Woods Charity Auction. I'd tell you what the proceeds benefit if I knew, but bothering to look it up would be missing the point of this story: The event attracts a handful of notable athletes and other celebrities, and I would be in the room too. Not as a VIP Pass-carrying insider — my credentials would say, "Staff Volunteer."

Last year I was a bid spotter, which meant that I waved a white linen napkin to get the auctioneer's attention when someone at one of my assigned tables was bidding. As luck would have it, I was assigned to watch for bids in the section where the host himself was seated — I stood ten paces from The Tiger Woods.

Now don't you think I'm cool?

But wait.... That's not my celeb-sighting story. That detail is only relevant because it put me in prime position to see the other who's-who of the charity auction circuit. There was a lot of traffic in that aisle, but mostly sponsors and other rich nobodies. Then one stunningly beautiful man stopped right in front of me. Even if he hadn't already made an on-stage presentation and been introduced as Alonzo Mourning of basketball fame, I would have known that he was noteworthy — he is the most perfect human form I've ever seen. And there he was... standing within my arm's reach.  

Now don't you think I'm cool?

But wait... That's not my celeb-sighting story either. That detail is only relevant because it explains why the other man stopped. I was really taken by Alonzo, but not enough to distract my attention from the person he'd stopped to greet. It was just an accident of timing that their paths crossed at the intersection where I was stationed. Had this been in any setting besides a thoroughfare, these two would have been invading my personal space. But I was an invisible worker, inconspicuous as a post. I stood there, slack-jawed, watching a professional b-baller talk to... was it... could it really have been... yes, yes, I think it was... MC Hammer.

Wait for it.... Wait for it....

Could'a touched that.

I suppose it's possible I'll have another chance to reach out and touch The Hammer, but not this weekend. I turned down the opportunity to volunteer as an "inconspicuous post" again this year in favor of stealing away with cherished friends. I have been incredibly lucky in my lifetime to meet so many real, amazing people to share genuine experiences with — All rock stars in my book. I can't think of any celebrity meet-and-greet that could court me away from time with the particular rock stars I'll see soon. So wherever you are this weekend Hammer, I'm sorry — You just can't touch that.

Because I know it's stuck in your head now anyway, I've provided a link for your listening enjoyment. Happy Friday.

Word.